Shared Thoughts of 4 Former English Students

Longfellow, I am so proud of you! Way to go! I must say school seems so far away for me right now. If someone gave me the comps I would likely try to roll it up and smoke it or something. More than likely though I would tell them to shove it up their...

haha...i am not really as hostile as I sound. It is just morning time and I am waiting for the java to kick in.

I hope all is well for one and all. I have about a month left here in NYC, then I will start heading west. Should be in KC at the beginning of September for a day or two. It would be great to stage a reunion of sorts.

How is Texas summer treating you Carly? It has been hot here - making the smog feel even that much more toxic. yummy.

Obviously I have nothing great to say this morning. But I love ya damnit!

sc :)

CONGRATS! That is so awesome, BL. I must say you have me remotivated that it can actually be done. I will be calling you soon to see how you approached studying/what you studied/how you delevoped your ideas.

Things are much better on my front here. My job has gotten 100 times better -- as I am writing more and also -- get to work remotely two days a week. It is such a relief to have freedom over my time back. In celebration I ordered a new laptop that is supposed to be here today!

Things relationship wise seem to be better, though I cannot say for sure yet. I do know that I have been really enjoying doing my own thing -- lots of Yoga and cooking and going out. Always good for you.

If it weren't for this 104 degree heat I'd go sit out on my patio and have a glass of wine -- raise it to you all. Maybe when it gets cooler we can have a reunion, if only on the phone.

Love you all.
CD

i passed! damn, that's a load off. apparently i answered the following questions competently:

Brit. Lit. after 1789: It has been argued that Heart of Darkness both reflects and transcends the gothic genre novel. In a discussion of this topic, argue for or against this premise.

Brit Lit before: Discuss the theme of loyalty and betrayal in at least three of the following works: Beowulf, Othello, King Lear, Hamlet, Paradise Lost, The Rape of the Lock (and maybe some others. I chose Beo, Paradise, and Rape)

American Lit.: Explain the developement of the theme of the misfit in American Literature using Bartleby the Scrivener, A Good Man is Hard to Find, and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

obviously, i'm brimming with pride.

bl

i suppose we all feel like damning it all to hell...at least at certain moments. I don't know what I am doing half of the time and then the other time I feel like I am completely on top of the fucking world. who knows.

carla - the only thing i know to say is be true to yourself. but i have never been in a relationship. all of that shit baffles me and makes me jealous of those who have it. yet then it also scares me - basing so much of my life on another person. so i guess we all do what we can and live our lives. i guess like longfellow i don't have much insightful wisdom (since i can't read the deleted paragraph and all)...but we all do [have insight] of course because we are english majors and we can weave a pretty story and bullshit with the rest of them. but we don't when it comes down to it, because we just know what we know and say what we say. and this is what i have to say. It may not make any sense whatsoever...probably doesn't, but i still write.

just know that I love each and every one of you and i am glad we are friends. our paths crossed at just the right moments and we enjoyed it all. right now i wouldn't mind going back in time for a moment and sitting on longfellow's porch - sipping some cool (cheap) brew, smoking a few hand-rolled cigs and listening to music or discussing some lit. Yet here we are - me in NYC and Carla in Dallas - the boys in KC. Here we are...doing the best we can in our own little worlds. What else can we do but roll with it and try to make the cards deal in our favor - in the favor of what we hope and dream for life?

Okay, so I have spent some credit on beer tonight and now I attempt to write coherent thoughts, but I guess I just hope you can separate the chaff from the grain and understand me through it all.

i love you. And I can't wait to get out of this city sometimes. right now I am okay though - good things are out there...hell, good things are right here around me...but we all fall into that cycle of damnation. but we get through it...right?

as whitman would say...in due time...in due time...

and of course all of that stuff about contradicting myself....that is me all over...i am large and i definitely contain multitudes.

thanks for listening.

s

sorry i'm so slow to try to cheer you up, cd. haven't been online since last week sometime. left for Pittsbg for comps on Thurs. wrote answers for all 3 questions this time! i can think of reasons why i should fail them all, but at least i gave myself a chance by writing something half-way sensible and hopefully deceptively insightful.

after Friday's exam i drove to Arkansas to see my friend Eddie and his wife Cory. first weekend i haven't worked in over a month. it was great to relax and not be so busy and not have to study etc. etc. thought about calling you, cd, on the drive back tonight, but it was a bit late---you go to bed kinda early dontcha? hope we can talk soon.

so your depressed. even if you're not today, you're in that damn cycle. i know it. it sucks. i don't know the magic fix, but i agree independent work sounds like a great idea for you--you're so freaking efficient. know i am jealous. i'm so fucking slow at everything, but that's just part of me. i can change it a little, but i can't erase that trait, you know? i'm starting to think there's a lot to be said for long term plans. in other words, working independently is a perfect idea. say you start planning out how you're going to get there--or maybe you already have. just planning for it and knowing it's going to happen sometime can lift the shittyness of the current situation to some extent, i think. a theory, but legitimate i think.

deleted: [paragraph of advice was here]....

....but if i knew how to avoid that i'd probably be changing baby number four's diaper right now. maybe i should be thankful i'm so fucked up, eh?

between this job and K -- I'm dying. A slow, agonizing death right in front of my own face.

Every day I get a headache. I can't eat without needing to puke. Seriously people. Hitting the bottom soon I think.

I just don't understand how K can be so selfish when I only ask for love and friendship. Is that so hard? I'm going to have to decide soon how much more I can take. Think i can find someone else? Is it even worth the effort.

Work is fine -- I just work really fast am and done earlier than I should be. So then I sit for 2 excruciating hours at the end of the day waiting till I can leave. I need more freedom. I need to work remotely when I want.

Feeling depressed and unappreciated. unhead and unloved. boo hoo me.

CD

between this job and K -- I'm dying. A slow, agonizing death right in front of my own face.

Every day I get a headache. I can't eat without needing to puke. Seriously people. Hitting the bottom soon I think.

I just don't understand how K can be so selfish when I only ask for love and friendship. Is that so hard? I'm going to have to decide soon how much more I can take. Think i can find someone else? Is it even worth the effort.

Work is fine -- I just work really fast am and done earlier than I should be. So then I sit for 2 excruciating hours at the end of the day waiting till I can leave. I need more freedom. I need to work remotely when I want.

Feeling depressed and unappreciated. unhead and unloved. boo hoo me.

CD