Shared Thoughts of 4 Former English Students

That's an order boys. Go drink. Longfellow, you must drink at least 3 rum and cokes for me. And Tom -- you have to do the body shots. wink wink

Now I will be in good ole P-town on May 13th for a rock show at Foxtown. Longfellow is coming and says he is going to drag Tom along -- will you be in town Sarah, since its mother's day weekend? hmmm. Do i hear mini reunion?

In the meantime I am trying to figure out how to be less boring. What a realization that was last night. I am 24 years old and boring. Don't tell anyone but I think I am going to go get something pierced this weekend when K is out of town. hahaha.

Love you all.
CD

Congrats Carla!!! I am impressed!

I say let's all go to the bar and celebrate....err, eh, wait....we are too far away from each other.

Brian and Tom - go meet in KC somewhere and shitfaced for us! (I am sure you don't mind!)

:)

Just thought I'd brag: I am no longer "copy editor" at my job -- but "Managing Editor" OoooOOoo.

I feel so special.

CD

Occasionally I volunteer at the NY Public Library for their special events, usually lectures and readings and such. Tonight I was volunteering at this event titled "Who's Afraid of Iran?" Several women spoke/read/sang and it was all very interesting, but what particuarly caught my attention was what they spoke about "home."

One woman was speaking about Iran and how she moved away early to pursue studies, but always longed to go back. She said something about home being intensified/romanticized after it is gone. I think (well, I know) I do this with my childhood home. Because we don't live there anymore I can make it this mythical place. I often wonder if it would be different if my parents still lived there and if I continued living there in high school.

But it seems it is perhaps just us moving away that makes us romanticize our "home." If we went back and lived there it would not be the same. So I suppose we carry it with us more than anything and that keeps it alive and sacred.

For some reason this entry isn't as coherent as I would like it to be, but I am getting sleepy. I will write again when I am not half-asleep.

sc :)

You know, this has been something on my mind off and on for many of my "adult" years. I have had some pretty distinct segments of time in places that could represent my "home" in a physical sense of the word. My parents don't live in the same house or city that I grew up in or ever really lived in with them. So for my formative years 0-13, I lived in the rural KS countryside near Cherokee. It was a great childhood really, full of playing in the woods and listening to the trees and swimming almost every day in the summertime. Then in high school we moved to my grandparent's old house on the highway in Frontenac (Parkview Drive). Then when I went away to college my parents moved to Missouri, where they live now. So, home in this sense isn't a place I can physically go back to - only in my mind. Although my parent's house in MO does have some "home" elements to it.

In my own life I have moved around quite a bit and found home to be wherever I am and there are people around I love. Sure there are things that make me feel more like myself and therefore more like home, which is the rustling of leaves, the sunset, swimming underwater and closing the world out, allowing myself to just be me. Yet, these things follow us. I used to be obsessed with the saying "if I lived here this would be home." Perhaps that was just my sad quote.

Right now I am falling asleep so I guess I need place/bed to make like home and be cozy. More comments to follow.

love ya

sc :)

i've got you beat on length of time, cd. i lived in my "home" from 6 mos. to 18 yrs. old, returned for summers from 19-20, returned for 5 yrs. from 26-31 and here i am again, home sweet home. no beautiful acres, but there's grass to be cut, the same cracks in the sidewalk and patched holes in the driveway. the dogwood blooms the same white flowers (but not really) the elm sweeps out over the sky, the maple sends it's helicopter petals down to the ground, the sycamore makes its spiral staircase to the sky, and the ash...well, the ash i never paid attention to. apparently it puts out these little clumpy seeds with a cluster of brush-like tentacles extending from the center. they're everywhere this year, but strangely, i had no idea what they were until i asked mom. maybe home is a place that's always growing, revealing something new when we're ready . . . home is not a place where we are completely happy and content. home is a place we love unconditionally-- any place we are willing to love unconditionally, with its surprises, its routines, good and bad memories, shouts and whispers, tears and laughs . . . home (for now) is us. i'll find a place someday where it and me are the same, but i don't think it's coming in this life. for now home is just me. i suspect when that place comes around it just might be everywhere.

there's a good concrete answer for ya.

bl

This time of year I can't help but miss home. What makes someplace "home"? There's the cliche that home is where your heart is? Do you think it is true?

I left home 6 years ago -- at the ripe old age of 18 -- and haven't been back since -- except for a weekend here and there -- and a few (not many) spring breaks.

And yet -- those acres of land are home. I can close my eyes and tell you where every tree is; what colors the grasses are in different pastures; who planted what trees 150 years ago; what it smells like now in April, in May, in June. I lived there from the ages of 5 to 18 and that is home.

So is it my stubborn ideal of home that causes me to never be able to rest or feel at home -- in Pittsburg or here in Dallas -- or is there something that really attaches me to there?

What is home to you?
cd

Mee-ow, you all have been having too much fun. It’s amazing how much I’ve heard of all this immigration stuff lately (oddly, nothing about emigration). As you all know I work construction and am consequently around many Mexicans. Unfortunately, the government has refused to implement some sort of patch or branding for the legal ones so that we truly know which ones to hate. My friend Juan is a roofer—no shit, insert what ever jokes you want—and wears a t-shirt he had made of his green card so he would stop catching racial slurs at job sites. My only form of wisdom is this, and (swear to all that is holy) it is a true story.

I was at work a couple of days and was installing fireplaces into a duplex in the middle of Lawrence. I dropped off the fireplaces in each side of the duplex and was returning to my van to get a pipe wrench. When I went into the garage, sitting on a roll of insulation, was a cock. I’m not real accustomed to seeing farm animals and a little surprised to see on a job site. Also, a little disgusted that it was shitting of the insulation about to be put into the home. I was assured by one of the framers next door that Charles, the cock, was harmless and would not run off. It had been his loyal pet for a few years. Come to think of it, I really don’t know what this has to do with immigrants, unless I want to start making a complex comparison of Mexicans and pets cocks. Frankly, I’m tired from a day of work and I’ll let you all try that out.

I will only say this then about the whole debate. A wall is the most retarded thing I have ever heard of. If you want to stop immigration, you have to do it at the source. The source is not our borders, but our jobs. If penalties and fines of hiring illegals were stronger—and enforced—then there would no longer be an economic advantage to hiring illegals. This would lead to no jobs for people sneaking into the country and, if there are no jobs, there is no reason to come into the country. There is a problem, once this all comes into play, Americans would have to come to realization that immigrants do the jobs that no one else wants to. Think of janitors, roofers, jizz moppers, cooks at fast places, and guys that clean port-a-potties. What color came into your head? Don’t lie, were all racists. Now think of doctors, lawyers, porn stars, governors and the guys that guess your weight at carnivals. I have a sneaking suspicion that we all thought of a nice skin shade of apricot for the second and some form of light brown on the first. Illegals are hired for the jobs that Americans don’t want. What’s the number on unemployed Americans? I know there are an estimated 11 million illegals. I know a lot more working illegals than unemployed Americans (not to mention the unemployed Americans that wait to look for a job until the unemployment checks don’t come). I’m not saying that one race of worker is better then another. I’m just saying that anyone that if someone is willing to work there entire life doing the jobs that no one else wants—well, shit, everybody deserves a nice pat on the ass and a “get ‘em tiger,” every once in a while.
TB

Si, senor! Quiero cuatro cervezas por favor!

:)

and go to Mexico

-bl

let's get drunk.

-bl

I will admit that my tone was probably not the most mature way to argue my case. If we were discussing this in person I am sure that we would have a much more civil way of talking about this, because well, we are friends and we do respect each other. So I apologize - my emotions got the best of me. I guess I was just so shocked (and yes, angered) at your tone (calling immigrants bitches and stupid) and I reacted inappropriately/immaturely probably.

This isn't something that I all of the sudden jumped on the hippie/liberal/whatever bandwagon with. Traveling, and especially teaching ESL last year in Pittsburg, has opened up a whole gamut of issues and solidified a lot of my political beliefs on this subject. And I spoke up and acted as much as possible - trying to teach people English and American History, and helping them find health care, etc. Yes, some of my students were illegal, probably a large part of them. They just want a better life and they are doing all they can to find it, even if that means living in Kansas working at a factory.

I am not in favor of illegal things, per se, but I think that we should respond to this issue in a better way. Let's reform the process of becoming a citizen. Let's reform our social programs. Let's reform the way we distribute wealth in our country. Maybe instead of spending millions of dollars on inauguration balls we could put those appropriations into social security. But there are so many things that can be done, of course. And I am no expert. I don't claim to be. So I am trying to understand as much as I can. I appreciate hearing both sides, because both sides are guilty of misconstruing the facts and making sweeping generalizations. It's a complex huge issue, which is evident in the many different types of protests/demonstrations that went on yesterday (both sides were out in full force).

I did watch the news and I have been reading the articles, but I guess I missed the fact that most of the people protesting (in TX) were saying they are simply reclaiming what was once theirs. I am not trying to be sarcastic, but do you have some articles I can read more about this? I looked at the Dallas Morning News to try and find some specific Texas news, because they don't show much of it up here, or any other place for that matter. There were so many marches up here as well that those were the ones covered mostly. I want to learn more about what is going on and with our media manipulation it is hard to get the whole story - so I am trying to pull it from all over.

The big thing is that the Latinos are being focused on the most because they are the ones who tend to cross illegally. Most of the other immigrants come over with money and assets, so they can do it the right way. But the ones who are illegal are the ones who need our help the most in becoming legal. How will they take away our SS $$ if they are legally contributing by paying taxes? I think that if all of these hard working individuals start paying taxes then it can only help our economy and decrease our debt. I know in NYC there are millions of immigrant families who run business and/or work, and contribute to this city in many wonderful ways. The illegal factor tends to happen more in the rural communities and also yes, in Texas, where one of the wealthiest US states clashes next to a poor disenfranchised nation.

I would love nothing more than for people to be able to strengthen their own countries. It seems like instead of coming over here and working, they should somehow be able to see their work directly benefit and improve their own homeland. I know they would like that too. But the bottom line is that there is nothing set up for them to do that. I don't know what can happen to make this better, but perhaps if we could figure out some way to offer people work permits in exchange for a small garnish of their wages - some of which go to our country since obviously they are working here - and some of which we agree to reinvest into their own country if they agree to go back or apply for citizenship once their permit expires. Don't take that as any sort of proposed solutions, because now I am just thinking aloud. Anyway, yes, it is complex and it is both humanitarian and social and political. It is life.

Okay, I will shut up too. Brian you can come out of hiding now - I think the storm is over.

We are cool, Carla? Sorry if I was mean.

Back to work for me as well.

And back to my granola (I giggled a little because that is what i had for breakfast!)

sc :)

Thanks for the nice patronizing tone of your blog, sarah.

No where in my blog did I say I wasn't from an immigrant family. That would pretty ridiculous for anyone to claim. I merely said that in terms of Texas -- which the march and speeches were all over the national news --didn't you watch? -- one of THEIR main points was that they should be able to take back what was theirs -- almost verbatim what they said. (so is this about making immigration fair -- or about allowing anyone in because it is already "theirs") And I merely pointed out that in terms of the argumentation -- I never took what was theirs. My IMMIGRANT family was from an entirely different region of the U.S. (oh and tax records show they never owned slaves, etc. etc.)

And while kudos to your great, great whatever for working hard to build a life -- times are incredibly different. Did you know that the U.S Population is going to nearly double in the next decade. Where do you propose to put the increasing number of illegals? What about social security? -- so we grant clemency to the 11 to 20 millions illegals -- well there goes my parents social security payments in about 20 years. And as for us -- we'll be lucky if we see any $.

Why are you so in favor of illegal activity? Wouldn't it be better to regulate who enters our country and when?

I merely agree with the Senate -- that has proposed to build the wall to increase border security -- living in New York city I'd think that would be a priority to your neighbors. (oh and about "going through hell" to get here. Have you seen the borders? Hundreds a day wade through a stream --literally most times of the year -- and walk up the other side. Yeah. Hell.)

And in terms of those already here -- I do feel for their "humanity" as you put it. But alas -- you break the rules, you pay for it. If you don't like living in a republic -- which must make decisions for the good of the many -- then perhaps canada or france is more the way for you.

This is NOT a humanitarian issue. Its a political issue with humanitarian concerns. If it was just a humanitarian ideal -- then where was your voice before all of this?

And obviously Congress' idea of charging felonies for all current illegals is passe. This is about making sure that security is tight along our borders; making sure that illegals here are accounted for; and that new policies regarding immigration are put in place. So many programs are out there already to help immigrants gets a hand up -- and that's great. We have HUD minorities in housing -- special student and mortgage loans for latinos -- all principals in Texas are required to speak Spanish (or lose their job -- yeah that's fair) -- english intensive programs for young students.

(Oh and did I mention there aren't any special mortgage progams for me -- also of an immigrant family? Its okay -- I've done just fine on my own so far.)

That's really all I have to say about it. We truly are on opposites sides of the debate. I'm going to get back to work here. I'll let you finish your granola.

CD

Okay, well, I am not sure what to say other than I am on the completely opposite side of the fence. El Otro Lado, if you will. Carla, these are human beings and they aren't asking for anything other than the opportunity to not be oppressed by a country they are contributing to. They don't pay taxes because we don't allow them too. But really in the same way they are not "stealing" our tax dollars by being here either because they don't qualify for our social programs. If you want to point fingers at who is taking your precious tax dollars then you may want to look internally at those who abuse the system. And those nice parks and such you speak of? Last time I checked those are usually for the wealthy. Many immigrants and low income families don't always have the good fortune to be able to afford cars to drive on those roads, or live in the affluent neighborhoods in suburbia that have the nice parks or even have the time to enjoy the parks. These people are doing the best they can in a fucked up system. Okay, you want them to do it the "right" way? Then lets make some reforms in our system, rather than shutting down our borders and remaining elitist rich bastards that perpetuate the unbalanced world economy.

It is very fortunate that you don't come from a family of immigrants - I didn't realize that you were from Native American blood. My great-grandfather came over during a time when the borders were open and he worked his ass off in a coal mine to build a life for himself. And last time I checked most of these immigrants today are doing the same thing. My ESL students worked all day in a bacon packing plant and then came to English class four nights a week. I am sorry, but this is not laziness. And if you think that they don't contribute to our society then you are sorely mistaken. They buy things just like you and me and support local economy. And they take the jobs that no one else really wants in plants that sometimes are so dangerous that one of my young students (near our age) cut off his finger. You don't know what people deal with. It is nice and great that I am American and grew up in a family that had enough to feed and house me comfortably, and I hope that I can always share that with others - no matter what race or ethnicity they are.

I think the comment about "they are taking back what is theirs" is way off base. Maybe in Texas some people are throwing out this phrase, and okay they are wrong about that. But this is about more than borders - this is about humanity. We are all brothers and sisters in this world. We as Americans have a whole lot of toys and candy. It is okay to share them. Next time you enjoy a nice fruit salad maybe stop and think about who hand-picked most of the berries or fruits you enjoy so much. Or when you have bacon with your eggs. Bottom line is that these people are not coming over here to sit on their asses, but to try and improve their lives and that of their families. Yes, I admit that sadly they are also confused by the American ideal that money equals success and that by coming here they are going to be movie stars and have Hummers or what not, but in reality, they just want to make enough to support those they love.

If we offered them a better channel at citizenship then they can start "contributing" in a way you approve of - by paying taxes and what not. But right now you have to have a sponsor, you have to have money (which if they had that they would probably be in their country trying to fix the problems there) and there are so many hoops to jump through that we almost force people to come illegally until they can earn enough money and find someone to sponsor them. Even then, it is very hard to do it the "right" way.

Anyway, I know I used the second person quite a bit, but I don't mean this as a personal attack necessarily. I just strongly disagree with this mindset and it goes against everything that I believe in - which is love and respect for all humans. And building walls and policing our borders like the fucking moronic "Minute Men" (http://www.minutemanhq.com/) is just not something I will ever advocate for. Those people make me ashamed for my country. They sniff out people as though they are animals. Haven't you ever wanted something so badly that you would go through hell and a desert to get it? Laws be damned. The government did not grant us human rights - we were human before we set up borders and these rights are given by our creator, not by some moron behind a desk.

Sorry friend, but I guess we disagree. No worries though - my parents often disagree with my politics and we still love each other. It is all about respect for each others opinions. So I hope you can respect mine, and I respect yours even though we passionately disagree with each other's position.

sc

That rant was mine -- forgot to sign in -- and in response at to what the illegals are doing to YOU adversely.

Well -- you, your parents, me, my parents, everyone I know -- we pay taxes. Thousands and thousands of dollars of taxes every year. Guess who doesn't? Illegal immigrants. Our taxes go to the roadways, civic centers, beautification projects, schools -- ya know -- the things they and their children get to enjoy.

So if there were 20 million illegals French people in the country -- sending money home, but not following our laws -- what would we do.

It isn't a racial thing. It isn't about "taking back what was theirs" -- get over it -- divide and conquer since the beginning of man baby. This is a simple issue.

They should build the 700 mile wall they want and guard it with AK47's. Illegals already here can either forfeit their right to becoming a citizen -- punishment for disregarding the law in the first place -- and get a work visa (still paying taxes) or they can be deported back to Mexico. A second offense (meaning you came, got deported, and snuck in again -- that's a felony).

Its like having kids. If you don't enforce the rules -- the break them. And then when you try to come down on them -- Ooooo you're being sooo unfair.

Shut up. Go mow my yard. (yeah, that's a little bitchy -- but really - their country is a democracy -- why aren't the educated ones coming here?)

CD

i'm thinking only Mr. Bolding has the gift to rant like that and get me to consider relinquishing my liberal ways. how about this: since all these immigrants are gathering in one place, what better opportunity to round them all up together and put them on FEMA buses and drive them on up to, say, Canada.
what i can't figure out is how immigrants' presence is affecting me adversely. because they're not. so whose lives are they ruining, anyway? yeah, we have plenty of our own problems, i just need more evidence or convincing or something to see that this is one of them. it seems to me, an ignorant political apathist, that the current immigrant "problem" is a problem because someone in power decided to say that it is.
......the only thing i can't figure out is how could Tom be posting at 9:20 in the morning? he's got a damn full time job...
-bl

These immigration marches have me steamed. Why? They are upset because the government wants to enforce RULES about ILLEGAL immigrants.

Has the Senate or House said anything about not allowing anyone into the country? No. But the truth is simple -- they feel entitled to come into the country because 1. we "took it from them" in the 1700's. Ummm. Sorry. My ancestors landed in Virginia and were there until they moved to Kansas. 2. these people have lives here. -- I'm sorry, but if I went illegally to, say, France. They'd kick me out too.

We deport all kinds -- not just Mexicans -- for being here illegally. My friend down here, Antonia, is from Canada. One of her best friends was "staying" in New York I guess -- and when the govt found out they deported her and she can't return for 3 years. She was a college grad with a job, boyfriend, etc. And you know what -- SHE WAN'T HERE LEGALLY. sorry, buh-bye. O don't feel sorry for her. How would the Mexicans feel if we started allowing all the illegal Arab immigrants stay -- and moved them into their neighborhoods? They'd throw a fit.

This is all back down to being "entitled" to something. Yes, they are here, they work, but this is a country with rules. Go back and fix your own problems before you start bitching about our. Bitches.

CD

and YOU guys, you are talented and beautiful and appreciated and can do whatever the hell you want too. i ain't lyin'

thank you Carla, i always need that kind of encouragement. i'll offer up some treats next week.
-bl

So here I am, reading Longfellow's poetry blog everyday, hoping that a new morsel of goodness will drop from the sky -- but alas -- nothing new has shown up. I am totally disappointed.

Hey this is a pep talk for BL:
Don't worry so much about what other people think of you or that you'll fail or mess up. We all feel that. You are so awesome and you don't even know it. Just be confident in yourself and what you can accomplish. Know that you're smart, original, attractive, and interesting! Not very many people are all that rolled into one. Go for what you want -- even if you think its out of reach.

I think I have taken up tennis. I hadn't played in years, but K and I played for like an hour last night and we're going to again today. Sooo much fun -- cause we both suck.

Love all,
CD

today i woke up and it was cloudy. then it started to rain. then it was snowing HUGE flakes (many of them) from the sky. then it went back to rain. then the sun came out and i went for a run in the park. i may have found a match for strange midwest weather...apparently this is crazy april or something....

carla - you have to listen to the song "everyone is a little big racist" on the Avenue Q (musical) soundtrack! Actually you should listen to all of the songs because it is great! I am actually going to see it this weekend. I am so excited - it is my third Broadway musical! And I am going for free! My friend Joslin's parents are visiting and they have an extra ticket (and she invited me!). I feel so special and unworthy all at once!

yeah, where is that tom fellow? oh, fella, if you are reading, we miss you!

i went to a news event at the top of the Reuters building in Times Square tonight. It was about media coverage of the Iraq war. It was a little fluffy and diplomatic, but that is the media i suppose. there was an open bar and free munchie buffet, so that made me really happy!!!

okay i need to sleep now. love you all!

sc :)

ps - carla, i am coming to your house for dinner! yum yum!

if you haven't seen Crash, Carla, rent it this week. it's a beautiful movie about prejudice. though it's not always the most realistic plotwise, it shows what you're talking about--we are all victims in some way and we are also all guilty in some way. i'll never forget meeting a Chicago fireman in San Diego who told me that racism was a problem in his work, and he hated it and claimed himself innocent. everything changed, he said, when he finally admitted to his fellow workers that he was to some extent racist, even against his will. it is cultured into us, i think, and it's in me too. hopefully Anthony de Mello is right when he says awareness is the first step in change.

thanks for the cherry blossoms, sc. they're beautiful. quite an amazing photographic talent behind that picture i would say.

celebrities? i think my fascination with them is because i envy them. i applaud the ones who say things i agree with and condemn the ones whose values don't agree with mine. like, um, materialism. a chance to be some "righteous judge" but a hypocrite really. i'm as materialistic as them all. i just haven't been blessed with quite as much wealth to throw around. but i envy them most i think because they have a chance to speak. i fantasize about having my voice out there and people wanting to hear what it says. at the same time i'm angry about not having that chance (probably a lie to myself) of course, i'm insecure and scared to try to put my voice out in the little space i live in. afraid my talents are inferior, afraid i'll be laughed at or argued with, or, the biggest fear of them all, afraid i'll be ignored and dismissed as irrelevant and unimportant.

Racism exists -- but I think most people would agree that on levels far more miniscule than 10, 20, 40, or 100 years ago. And in general, white people, or females, or mexicans, or black -- we are discrimated against in mostly the same way. I mean -- I guess am the minority in my neighborhood, but I really don't care. You can treat me however you are going to -- it just means you're an hypocritical idiot if you treat me worse for being a certain color.

But for some reason, instead of pushing on and enjoying the fact that we are all equal and protected equally under the law -- certain people can't help but make race an issue -- even when its not. It saddens me because we have made such bounds to stop seeing people's colors -- to just see their actions and the person -- and then we have people like Congresswoman Mckinney who are shouting from the rooftops that they are being discrimated against.

She not only wasn't wearing proper identification, she also hit the policeman.

So what if it was a white congressman who slipped by?-- I can guarantee if he was stopped he wouldn't have assaulted the policeman. Ridiculous. So if the white man slipped by without notice -- first off I doubt that would happen -- and secondly if it did -- yes, then that would be discrimation -- Stopping one person and not another. But really -- they both weren't following the rules, one just got caught.

Quit focuses on race, people. Any race can be racist. All of you. And low and behold -- I bet race won't be an issue.

pissed,
Cd

I love it, i love it, i love it. I am sooo happy that we're all writing on here ( minus Tom -- ahem).

So I had a wonderful night last night. I got home and took my time cooking a fabbbbewlous dinner (salmon fillets seasoned with dill and lemon, curried rice, fresh green beans, and a tahini, feta, and tomato salad, and some cabernet sauvignon). Krishen and I ate and then hung out on the patio with the cat -- who continues to be wonderful. Then I went to my friend Antonia's house and drank some more wine on her patio. Spring is great. Its been in the mid 80's all week here. Hoorah.
I have a confession to make: I read online celebrity gossip columns daily -- several times a day. What do you think the fascination is with celebrities. I mean, they are JUST people. And more times than not they are people that contribute nothing to the world but bad movies or TV sitcoms. Why do we care who is sleeping with who and what they wore afterwards?

Here are some of the sites I visit daily:
perezhilton.com
popsugar.com
thesuperficial.com
brickandstones.com
fourfour.com

On another note: Do you ever feel anti-social. Lately I've just wanted everyone to quit talking ot me. I don't want to meet new people or even hang out with most of them I know. Am I turning into a hermit -- or worse yet -- a writer?

CD

I was in DC for a conference last week - here are some cherry blossoms for you!

sc :)

Yeah!!! I am glad we are using the blog now - sorry i haven't posted lately. This must mean Longfellow now owns a new laptop or something...

I have never been in a relationship really so I can't comment much on the subject. But yeah it seems like saying something is okay. I don't know...relationships are funny business...

My eyes are sticky so this will be a short post. Sleep is necessary right now. But I have been reading your words and appreciating them. Life has been crazy lately, but settling down more.

Carla - I know what you mean about focusing on the present moment. more on this later. For now - have you ever read Thich Nhat Hanh? He is a Buddhist monk and his works are great and really help me be present in the daily moments of life. I recommend his book "Peace is Every Step."

much love to you all.

sc :)

Yeah!!! I am glad we are using the blog now - sorry i haven't posted lately. This must mean Longfellow now owns a new laptop or something...

I have never been in a relationship really so I can't comment much on the subject. But yeah it seems like saying something is okay. I don't know...relationships are funny business...

My eyes are sticky so this will be a short post. Sleep is necessary right now. But I have been reading your words and appreciating them. Life has been crazy lately, but settling down more.

Carla - I know what you mean about focusing on the present moment. more on this later. For now - have you ever read Thich Nhat Hanh? He is a Buddhist monk and his works are great and really help me be present in the daily moments of life. I recommend his book "Peace is Every Step."

much love to you all.

sc :)

i don't think i've ever been much of a nagger, probably because i have a fear of losing what i have. and so I'm afraid to disagree or challenge those i have relationships with...and of course i do NOT enjoy confrontation. but i think i'm usually making a mistake when i don't address things that bother me. we're all so DEFENSIVE, you know? the other person is defensive when i say something, i'm defensive when i'm challenged, and at the same time, when something is finally addressed, we might find ourselves saying, "why didn't you say something sooner?"

i believe strongly in compromise, but somehow haven't managed much success with it in any relationship. so, maybe i don't believe in it that much? am I willing to compromise, or do i just expect others to? i thought i was starting to figure some of these things out in my last romance, but it's hard to believe anything was figured out when something fails.

my conclusion? i'm not the guy with the answers.

I guess I used to ponder spirituality a lot more than I do now. The reason? I am so engrossed in the daily details of planning for my future. I think about money all the time -- where to invest, how much to save, where to move, when to have children. Sometimes I just want my brain to be quiet and just enjoy the moment I'm in.

So I had a pretty great weekend. Friday night K and I went out to hear some live acoustic music, have some drinks with friends. We had a great time and then went and got sushi at like 2:00 in the morning. hehe.

Here's a new question: How much right do we have to nag our significant others about their faults? K plays video games anywhere from 3-12 hours a day. He says its not a problem -- even though he stays up till 4 or 5 in the morning playing -- and then sleeps till noon (no job remember). I feel guilty when I nag at him -- but I really find it unacceptable behavior.

CD

i think my spiritual struggle is brought on by the fact that i'm alive. it's pretty much continuous, it just becomes more obsessive when i don't have many things in my life to distract me from continual self-analysis and narcissistic tendencies.

and yeah, the realizations do linger, which is why i like to compare the trip to the apple in the garden of eden. symbolically, at least, there is a new knowledge that wasn't there before. "their eyes were opened, knowing both good and evil..."