Shared Thoughts of 4 Former English Students

wow, cd, your indian place sounds like a golden find. enjoy.

i've been adjusting to life with roommates again. it's called a "community house" but i guess the honest confession is that it is a bunch of roommates, just ones who are trying to be involved somewhat in each others lives.

one member volunteers to cook the meal every Saturday night, and usually additional guests are invited. i did my first meal last Saturday. i grilled burgers and dogs, and i actually screwed them up, which i wasn't expecting, but nobody punched me or swore at me. burnt the first round, and the second round was pretty freaking rare. oh well.

we also eat together on Tuesdays, no big deal, and have a "house meeting" once a week on Sat. or Sun. i think it's going to be bad and good but altogether good for me.

the Comps are next week! f-- the comps. i'm so not ready. so i better get to studying- this is my last day which much free time until i don't know when.

peace ya'll
bl

I had the best weekend. That Indian Vegetarian place I was talking about -- they offer Yoga in the upstairs (and meditation) in the evenings and weekends. I went this weekend on Saturday morning. It was 1.5 hours of pure enjoyment. It was a real workout, but so spiritual too.

The whole upstairs is three bedrooms open to each other -- so like one big L shaped upstairs. Indian murals on the ceiling and walls -- windows open to the rain outside. Stainglass windows. And white, soft carpet throughout. Indian food cooking downstairs before the restaurant opened. It was awesome. And only $5. Can you believe it? I am going again this week -- going to try out the meditation too.

Things with K are a bit better. I am just being myself 100% and we seem to getting along better -- oh -- and I've let "go" of stuff a bit, too.

Marley is at the vets office today getting fixed. Poor little dude. It wasn't my first choice for him, but it had to be done. Hope he's okay. The vet said everything went fine and I can pick him up this afternoon.

Love all,
CD

yo peeps!

sorry i haven't written lately. this is going to be a short post i am sure. but really, how do you suggest stopping a heart/body from feeling something it really shouldn't? I just don't seem to have it figured out yet. Fucking feelings and life and all that shit.

so eloquent, i know...

i love you guys so much! Can we go play darts, drink beer and forget about anything else in the world?

sc :)

Had a good night last night. A decent day in general yesterday. For lunch I met K downtown near where he works -- after braving the tollway, where nothing but Jags and Beemers drove erratically past me at 90 mph, no exaggeration. We ate at my new favorite place, this ultra hip Vegetarian Indian Cafe. Its an old 20's Bungalow style house, where you can eat on the front porch or in the living room at a table. The walls are murals with east Indian themes. There's a large fireplace that's been mosiaced a hundred different colors. And a fish tank where i watched the cutest little yellow fish eat rocks and then spit them out.

I felt a little out of place, in my slacks, high heals, pressed dress shirt -- when everyone else seemed to be in birkenstocks and cotton skirts. Oh well. The food was amazing. K and I shared samosas (pastries) with mint and tamarind chutneys. And then we had a place of rice, vegetables, and curry soup. Damn I want to go back again today.

I also had an epiphany yesterday. People judge each other by what they see on the outside -- and I project something that isn't exactly me. I think I've played it so safe on the outside for so long, that the real me has a hard time coming through -- even to myself. So I guess I need to make the outside match more of the inside. Then people -- as shallow as it is -- will finally see the real me -- and quite judging that I am some prudish librarian.

Librarians ain't got nuttin' on me.

CD

it feels like i've used this title for a post before...

your relationship questions are great ones. i've heard others talk about similar issues. i have no clue how to grow together with someone because i've never done it- in romance anyway. but i have a few friends who can testify.

my friend Andrew, for instance, commented on his last visit about the interesting time he and his wife Kathy were in. "you know" he said "how usually you're in kind of different places spiritually?" (i was like, yeah, but i didn't really know since this also is something i've never managed to communicate in a relationship too well) "right now" Andrew went on "Kathy and I are both thinking a lot of the same things and really letting go a lot of the same ideas we've had and working from this very basic foundation. so it's been quite an interesting journey together."

i write that just to say i know it does happen and can happen, and it can happen only rarely even in a very solid relationship (which theirs is), but nothing can be forced. i think i've definitely learned that.

i moved into my new community this weekend, and it is a bit crazy right now. there is some contention and some relasping and some confusion and anger among the members, but it's exciting to be talking about working on things together and helping each other however we can instead of being stuck alone in our individual lives and problems.

So sorry I've been slacking. I just feel like i have nothing interesting going on. But in true me fashion, I will go ahead and talk about nothing. ;)

So I've been keeping up with the acupunture over the last several weeks. A pricey venture to be sure, but it seems to be working out the kinks in my digestive system. Minus the terrible stomach ache on Thursday that even kept me from work. Only my second sick day in a year.

Alas I've been having relationship woes again. It is hard to change alongside someone, especially if you're too busy to notice they're changing. Hopefully all will work out in the end, but as of now, its quite consuming. How do you both get what you want?

peace. CD

i've got my own blog, i don't need another one all to myself!

i'm moving this weekend, into the "Kingdom House." i'll be sleeping on a carpeted attic floor room with two others. that's tomorrow. should be weird at first. i haven't even really thought about it much yet.

going to see Al Green get the soul groove on tonight at K.C.'s rhythm and ribs festival in the historic jazz district. Bolding is rumoured to be willing to join me...

bl

i think your behavior in the situation can qualify as your good deed for the month. i you want to do an even better deed though, maybe tell him to fuck off and have some respect for something or someone. or maybe tell him you know he feels inadequate, but it's okay, we all do sometimes...

and speaking of good deeds, i'd forgotten about our little log until i performed a good deed yesterday. i've decided to make it my good deed motto, except i forgot about it today. it goes like this:

smoke one cigarette, throw away two butts. it should never fail. there are more butts than there are assholes in this great country!

-bl

So there is this one guy at work that is an energy vampire. And by that I mean every time you get around him he is so negative, so toxic, so something that you feel drained when he leaves.

I decided last week that I was done talking to him, except for extremely concise emails about work -- and I feel so much better about it.

He was always making disparaging remarks about my religion, my boyfriend, where and how I grew up (cause you know I am such a hick and he's so city sophisticated -- oh wait -- i'm the one that did the Masters degree), and he continually makes comments about F***ing jews and blacks, etc -- odd since he's a navajo indian. anywho. I thought you'd all appreciate how I handled the situation.

I am still kind to him about work things. Smile and say hello. But I don't go out of my way to engage him in any sort of conversation. Its refreshing to have that control.

CD

i'm doing pretty decent- thanks for asking. last night went to First Fridays in K.C. which is when all the art galleries in the Crossroads district stay open late. bit of excitement was added this time because there was also a block party-about 3 blocks closed off-for Gay Pride, for which the big event was today...2nd 1st fridays i've been to in a row. went with some friends and Amber joined us all. later had a couple martinis with Amber (dirty for her, lemon-drop for me) and talked about books and other fun stuff.

picking up extra hours at another JoCo library, which is good- i'm getting trained for some additional duties...perhaps i'll get a full time gig when i become eligible to switch positions in 2 mos. ...

supposed to have my first motorcycle lesson w/ mr. Bolding this weekend. we'll see. i'm working all weekend.

what i'm excited about... always gotta have something to look forward to: Lizzie West & the White Buffalo play next Tues. Chuck Palahniuk reads and signs the following Mon.! his books disgust me but it'll be great to hear him speak. i hear he's quite the entertainer. our K.C. art/book reviewer wrote about Chuck and said he'd inspired him to change his strategy when he makes cd compilations for friends. his goal now is to make cds for people that cause them to respond, "your last cd mix made me want to puke." i guess all i can say is i'd rather have this blog entry make you puke than make you fall asleep. i have my doubts though.

addicted to sitting outside!
-bl

I went and got acupuncture yesterday. It was amazing -- Am going again tomorrow. Doing it to correct stomach issues -- but hope it gets me back into a balance all over.

Short weeks are great. Only 2 days until the weekend! Friday is date night, Saturday there's a show, and Sunday I'm having a tea party for some girlfriends. I love to cook for stuff like that. I am going to make smoked salmon canapes, pecan shortbread, and fruit with dip, along with some Rum punch. mmMMMmm

I think going home to KS for the weekend really helped me. I was able to put things into perspective -- that I won't be and am not stuck in this awful city forever. How is everyone else?

CD